Veterans’ families

Military life has unique stressors, including regularly moving towns, deployments and exposure to stressful and dangerous situations.

About Veterans' families

Having a family member in the Australian Defence Force (ADF) can involve a great deal of pride and provide a strong sense of community. Members often describe the military in familial terms, due to the strong bonds, shared values and sense of belonging afforded by Defence careers. These positive identifications can also extend to ex-ADF members, veterans and their families. Military life can also involve difficulties for families, particularly in managing the expectations of military and civilian cultures. Values that may be important in a military context such as discipline and obedience to authority may not always mesh with civilian behaviours and values, such as negotiation and compromise. The practical realities of military life have perhaps the most significant impacts on family functioning, including long absences during training and deployments, changes in roles and responsibilities, adapting to regular relocations, and managing upheavals in partners’ careers and children’s schooling.

Veteran’s families experiences

Military families have to cope with the potential for exposure to extraordinary risks, such as the injury or death in combat of a family member. A potentially challenging period for some is the transition out of the military. Separation from Defence can involve changes in location, finances and family roles (e.g., the partner of a veteran becoming the main income earner).

When a serving member is deployed (or absent for long periods during pre-deployment training) the whole family is affected. During deployment, family members have to cope with the absence of the serving member and uncertainty around his or her safety. They also have to adapt by taking on new roles. For example, partners may have to take sole responsibility for managing budgets, and older children may have to care for their siblings. The nature of military postings may mean that additional support from friends or family is not readily available. These roles and relationships often have to be renegotiated once the serving member returns. Reintegration into family life can also be hampered by mental health issues exacerbated by, or developed since deployment.

The emotional and physical impact of exposure to combat, humanitarian, peacekeeping and peacemaking experiences on veterans can have long-term consequences for many families. For example, recurring depression, chronic substance abuse or posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may lead to long-term conflict or disengagement within the family. Anxiety about the veteran’s mental health and taking on the role of carer can also take a toll on family members.

As in any family environment, mental health issues can have a significant impact upon individual family members and the functioning of the family unit. Children who have a parent with a mental health issue are more likely to experience behavioural problems, difficulties in forming and maintaining relationships, poor coping skills and academic difficulties, and are more likely to develop mental health issues themselves. Veterans’ mental health can also significantly impact upon partners. In addition to dealing with problems associated with mental health issues such as emotional withdrawal, substance abuse or suicide threats or attempts, partners may have to take on additional responsibilities in the family home, or adapt to unwanted lifestyle changes such as increased isolation from their friends and community.

Impact of PTSD on relationships

The symptoms associated with PTSD (intrusive memories, hyperarousal, avoidance and negative mood) can lead to particular difficulties in family relationships. Hyperarousal can contribute to aggression and domestic violence. Avoidance can inhibit intimacy between a veteran and their partner, and reduce satisfaction with the relationship. Partners of veterans have also been said to experience vicarious trauma as a result of being exposed to their partner’s PTSD. Partners can experience anxiety, depression, social isolation and feelings of hopelessness as a result of their partner’s trauma and subsequent symptoms. Partners have talked about ‘walking on eggshells’ around their veteran partner and being afraid of the veteran’s symptoms.

See also

  • navy family

    Helping you and your family

    As a partner or family member of a serving or ex-serving member, a range of support services are available to help you and your family.
  • worried about someone else

    Helping someone you care for

    If you are worried about a family member or friend, resources and strategies are available to help you talk to, and care for a loved one.
  • worried about how you are feeling

    When a different person comes home

    Deployment affects everyone differently. As the family member of a veteran, you're in the best position to notice subtle behavioural changes that may indicate bigger issues